I was born with Love as a ‘skipped step’. (My natal Venus in Libra squares my lunar nodes.)
Love and relationships were always destined to trip me up, and to be the most defining of my evolutionary journey.
My parents separated when I was 4, and growing up I only experienced discord and resentment between them. I don’t recall any early experiential understanding of what true romantic love looked like.
I either had fairytale dreamy references, or real-life flat or disastrous depictions (from my perspective.) Never that infectious, inspiring love, that makes you look forward to it… believe in it.
That was until I watched The Notebook at 15 y/o.
(And yes, The Notebook has become a burning cliché! But often the most seemingly trite things hold the most truth…)
At school, we had this thing called ‘Film Club’, where we managed to get away with watching films during lunch break by officially setting it up as a ‘club’.
One time we watched The Notebook, in two halves spread over two days. And the second was a day I’ll never forget.
I had no knowledge or expectation of this film. And then watching Noah and Allie’s love story…
Something awakened in me, like a soul-remembering of what Love was. Earth-shattering, soul-ripping, ecstasy-inducing, unshakeably-knowing, reality-altering Love.
The moment that Allie sat in her car reading Noah’s letters (yes, that moment) – it completely broke me open.
My heart erupted, and I sobbed the hardest and deepest I’d ever remembered. All the way until the end. Relentlessly. In front of everyone.
(I then had 6th period English, and uncontrollably sobbed all the way through that too!)
I was 15. There was no person I was crying about. I had zero reference.
But the Truth of it all hit me soul-deep.
It affirmed why I’d never really been interested in casual dating. And why – when I engaged with it to ‘fit in’ or ‘do the normal thing’ – it felt so wrong. It only left me sad, confused and completely disconnected.
Their story affirmed so much that I’d somehow felt to be true, and gave me the courage to wait. For that which my soul would recognise. For that kind of Love, and that only.
I guess I count myself lucky that I only had to wait a year… At 16 y/o, I fell in love (and after many twists and turns throughout our youth, we’re still together today.)
When we fell in love, it was the most sure I’d ever been about anything. It was a Truth I felt down to my core. A Truth that – in amongst all the peaks and valleys of life since — I’ve never truly questioned.
Love has taught and ripped and moved me more than anything else in life. When it is true, it is far from the fairytale we often expect it to be.
There are moments when your naked, broken heart wishes it had never fallen in love to begin with. But in time (or through life times), we come to know, in our heart of hearts, that it’s worth it.
A relationship must involve two souls actually working to grow together, yes.
But Love is worth it.
It’s real, it’s fully possible, and it’s worth fighting for.
It’s why we’re here.
And in all my skipped-step growing pains, I’m endlessly grateful to know it. And that I somehow circle back to committing to it, through it all.
